Dear Tim: I’ve been dating this girl for 3 months and I really want to take it the next level and become exclusive but she doesn’t seem like she’s looking to do that anytime soon. She definitely likes me and things have been going well. Do you think it’s something I’m doing wrong or do you think she just want to keep it casual and it doesn’t have anything to do with me?
How can I step it up? - Signed, Anonymous
Dear Anonymous, if that is, indeed, your real name,
Your inquiry has many interesting elements. You want to "step up" your relationship and "take it to the next level". This implies some dissatisfaction with where it is now. Some insecurity perhaps. Although we all understand the urge to solidify a relationship into something stable and consistent, such a relationship does not actually exist. Relationships are by their nature unpredictable and chock full of discomfort. The joy that comes from them comes with a price. They require a lot of patience and vulnerability to thrive. In any case, relationships are something you do together, decide on together, not something you get the other person to do. It's possible that while you are scheming on how to "take it to the next level" you are missing out on the actual relationship. It sounds like she's good with where it's at. You could actually discuss it with her. Sounds crazy, I know. Listen to what she has to say.
You say things are going well. So? What's the problem? My advice is to enjoy where you're at. See what happens.
Also, you failed to mention if you love "this girl" or even like her, only that she likes you. You may ask yourself which is more important to you. And likewise, do you want to be in an exclusive relationship with this particular girl or do you just want to be in an exclusive relationship?
That's the longish answer. The short one is:
3 Months ?!?! Come on !!!! There's still a pretty good chance she's a serial killer! Lighten up! 3 months..... seriously! You probably have not yet seen what she's like when she's sick or when you're sick or when you're being a jerk. You need to witness how you both handle situations where every one is not at their best. A lot. You are SEEING each other. That's why they call it that. It takes time.
Nobody Can Do It For You,